Febuary
by Screaming Argonaut
Summary: Ed Forgets about his birthday, but no one else does. Ed gets a very special gift and Havoc has to teach him how to use it. Wow this summary sucks. 2-Shot M-For language no pairings
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own fullmetal alchemist, nor do I own the Tonight show, otherwise Conan wouldn't be in this stupid situation. TEAM CONAN!_

Ed was trekking through the thick February snow that lay before him. He was mentally kicking himself because he remembered that he had to remember something today. But unfortunately that was all he remembered. He lost his balance when his automail leg stepped on some ice that was cleverly hidden under some snow. _I swear to god, if I fall on my ass one more time, the world will suffer._ He got up and looked about to see if anyone had seen this clumsy moment of his. No one seemed to be around so he quickly brushed the slush off his legs and rear. Edward was on his way to the Hughes residence for dinner. He remembered that too, but he also knew it wasn't what he was _supposed_ to remember. He again began kicking himself in the head (metaphorically, of course) until a car pulled up next to him. Ed stopped and watched the figure in the car reach over to roll down the tinted glass. Smoke billowed out of the open window and once it cleared, Ed saw the grinning face of Lt. Havoc.

"Heya chief, need a ride somewhere?" as he spoke, the cigarette hanging loosely out his mouth dropped a considerable amount of ash on his lap. Ed laughed out loud and accepted his offer. Ed liked Havoc quite a bit. He was one of the few sane people he worked with. The Colonel was a fuck-nut, Hawkeye was a little bit trigger-happy, Breda had an unusual fear of dogs, Falman was too quick with random trivia, and Fuery was a bit of a wuss. Havoc seemed to bring a bit of normalcy in the office with him. Ed shook his head to get the wet bangs out of his eyes and opened the door. Once he was seated, Havoc took off again.

"So boss, where'ya off to?" he snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray and smiled at the teenager.

"Hughes' house. I'm having dinner there and I'm glad I ran into you, because I'm late already." Jean got an understanding look in his eyes.

"Ah, birthday dinner, eh?"

Ed was silent for a moment, but then remembered what it was he remembered to remember. Today was his fifteenth birthday. How did Havoc know? Is it on the office calendar or something? He glanced over at the driver whose face was beet red.

_Shit, I said something stupid._ Havoc thought to himself. He had a blond moment as he forgot that he too, was on his way to Hughes' house to take part in the surprise party Hughes had been working on for weeks. He just hoped he didn't just ruin the surprise.

Ed broke the silence. "Oh, I guess it is my birthday, isn't it? I totally forgot."

Havoc released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

_Good, the kid hasn't caught on yet. So I'm not dead…yet._

The two reached their destination and Ed wasted no time in hopping out and discretely spraying himself with some body spray so he didn't reek of smoke when he walked into the house and receive the inevitable hug from Elicia. Havoc turned the car off and followed Ed to the house. Ed was a bit confused why Havoc chose to follow him to the door, but he supposed he wanted to make sure he got in without any trouble. Ed rapped on the door and waited for someone to answer. Havoc stepped up next to him and slowly took out his camera. The door swung open and Ed was greeted with shouts of surprise and a series of blinding flashes. Ed stumbled back with an arm over his eyes. He blinked a few times and cautiously opened his eyes to see a group of people he recognized standing there with cameras. He was pulled through the door by Hughes and led into the living room. He was forced into an armchair where he was able to get a good look at the other guests. Hawkeye, Breda, Falman, Fuery, Maes, Gracia, Elicia, Al, Winry, and even Colonel Fuck-head were all in the living room singing "happy birthday" to him. He couldn't help but smile when they were finished. He was a tad embarrassed, but he was happy. Something he hadn't been for a while. Hawkeye came over to him, hugged him, and handed him a copy of her father's book on flame alchemy. He thanked her and gave the colonel a smug smirk. His secret was out. The thoroughly bummed-out man shook Ed's hand and gave him an 800 Cenz gift certificate to a local book store. Ed smiled and thanked the man and much to everyone's surprise, didn't call him a bastard. Breda gave Ed a pair of fingerless gloves, Feury gave him a warm hoodie with his name stitched into it, Winry gave Ed lightweight Armor plates for his automail, Al gave him a winter jacket that matched the red cloak he always wore, and Falman gave the boy a pine tree air freshener. Everyone chuckled and the poor kid was never more confused. Despite the seemingly last-minute gift from Falman, Ed thanked him. Ed thanked everyone and started to blush. Hughes walked up to him and roughly pulled him from his chair and looked him in the eyes.

"There's still one more gift, kiddo." He grinned like an idiot and pulled Ed by the hand outside and to the garage on the East side of the house. Everyone followed and had their cameras out again. Maes stopped before the door and beckoned Havoc over. Havoc lit a cigarette and stood next to the older man.

"Edward," Maes began, "This gift is from Havoc and I. We know you are growing up and could use a bit more freedom. We're giving this to you because we know you are a responsible young man and we know we can trust you." He nodded his head towards the mob and they went in the side door of the garage with cameras ready. The two men pushed Ed towards the large garage door and Hughes handed Ed the remote. The boy hesitated before curiosity got the best of him and he pushed the button with his thumb. The door opened slowly and after it did Ed looked around trying to see what the fuss was all about. He saw the two cars and boxes filled with holiday lights that Hughes still had not put away. However something caught his eye. One of the cars had a vanity plate that said ELRIC on it. His jaw dropped and not a second later, the flashes began again. If Hughes had not had his hands on Ed's shoulders, he might have fainted. The color was the same as his favorite coat and the round headlights had demonic eyelids on it. This red Pontiac seemed to stare into his soul. He absent mindedly walked towards it and ran his flesh hand along the metal curves. He was broken from his trance when Winry, Hawkeye and Gracia said, "Men," simultaneously. Ed sprinted back to the two men and knocked them over with the biggest hug he could muster. Again with the flashing. Havoc handed Ed the key and instructed him on how to start it. After a bit of fumbling with the gears, the car roared to life. Ed's hands were wrapped around the wheel and his left knuckle was white. He wanted so badly to drive it, but he had no idea how to do so. Havoc sat down next to him and patted his shoulder.

"I'll teach ya to drive it tomorrow, boss." Ed smiled brightly at him, got out, and ran smack into Mustang.

"You're in good hands Fullmetal, Havoc is the best driver I know."

AN: I saw a car on the road and the FMA geek that I am, I thought to myself that that's the kind of car Ed would drive. Here's what it looks like: .com/images/cars/hf09/HF09_r148_


	2. Chapter 2

_There is a shamless rip-off from __Road to Perdition__ in this chapter. I couldn't help it, Michael Jr. reminded me so much of Ed._

Maes Hughes awoke and poured himself some coffee. It was a long night and because it was the weekend, he allowed himself a few hours of sleeping in. He looked at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was a quarter to ten. He checked his watch to ensure that it was what it appeared to be. Ed was usually an early riser, so Maes had a right to be confused. He downed the remainder of his coffee when Winry walked in. She wore pajamas with little wrenches on them. The man offered her a cup and despite the heat, she drank it all without pausing. She set the mug down loudly and leaned back.

"How did you sleep?" the man asked politely. He glanced at the clock again wondering where that boy could be. She didn't answer but asked him a question of her own.

"Ed wasn't in his room this morning, couldn't find Al either. You know where they are?"

The older man coughed and looked at the girl, he had no idea that they were anywhere but in Ed's room. He shook his head and smiled. "I'll bet I know where they went."

Maes led Winry out the front door and pointed towards the footprints leading the separate garage. She groaned and walked back inside after grumbling, "God, they are such boys!" Maes walked down the path formed by Al's large footprints. He opened the door on the side and saw the pair standing in front of Ed's beast. They hadn't even noticed his entrance. He listened to them talk.

"It looks fast, Brother."

"Yeah…I like that color."

"when can you drive it?"

"I need Havoc to teach me first. Should be here soon."

"Hmm. When can _I_ drive it?"

"Um, how 'bout never!"

Maes couldn't help but smile. He acted just like that when he got his first car at eighteen. Gawking at it with his friends and talking about it. He walked up to Ed silently and placed a hand on his shoulder. Ed yelped and spun around.

"How long have you two been out here?" the man asked, genuinely curious. Ed looked at the time on his cell phone and his eyes widened upon seeing it. Al started laughing and continued to even after a few kicks in the armor shin from Edward. Hughes started laughing too and paused when he felt his own phone vibrate. He grabbed quickly for it before the ringtone started playing "cat party," but it was too late. He answered it ignoring the boys laughing on the floor. "Hello?" he drawled into it.

"Hey, Lt. Colonel. It's Havoc."

"Ah, what can I do for ya, my man?"

"I just wondered if was okay if I stopped by to teach Edward to drive."

"Of course it's okay. We're in the Garage already, just walk in." Hughes snapped the phone shut and stared at the kids still laughing at his feet.

They three men heard a rumble and snow crunching beneath tires. Ed looked at the door and to Hughes with a confused look.

"Havoc's here to teach you to drive Ed." Ed smiled brightly and ran to the garage door and tried to lift it, but something kept him from lifting it all the way. (he's short!) Al used one hand to lift it the rest of the way, exposing Jean Havoc smoking a cigarette and with a goofy grin on his face. He tossed Ed a set of keys with a red lanyard with his name on it. Ed clumsily caught it and was a bit unsure how to proceed. Havoc laughed and pushed him gently towards the Pontiac. He sat Ed in the passenger seat and told Hughes that they'd be back in a few hours. He also explained quietly that he was taking him away from the city for the good of the nation. Apparently, he wasn't quiet enough because they heard muffled objections and saw the windows fog up. Havoc smiled and drove Ed and his car away.

"Now, do you know what the clutch is?" asked Havoc.

"Of course I know what the clutch is." Answered Ed smart-assedly

"What is the clutch?"

"The clutch…" Ed paused, "It clutches." Havoc sighed.

"Yeah, that's right, it clutches. Which one of those pedals is the clutch?"

Ed licked his lips and took a wild guess. The engine roared in response.

"That's the gas…gas." Havoc corrected. He pointed to the far left pedal.

"That far left one there? That's the one that does the clutching." Ed pressed it a few times to test it. Havoc explained that it had to be pushed all the way to work. Then, after Ed's confused look, explained what the clutch actually does.

"You can go ahead and start it now. Push in the clutch, and see it the stick moves loosely. If it does, it means it's in neutral. Try it now."

Ed did as he was told, but his foot didn't quite floor the clutch, so the engine grinded when he turned the key. Havoc sighed and regretfully told Ed to move his seat forward.

"But- but I don't need to!" argued the boy. Havoc grumbled and forcibly pulled the lever and moved the chair forward. Ed was about to protest, but he found he could reach the pedals much easier this way.

Ed managed to turn the car on and off easily enough. Now came the most painful moment in the poor car's life, Ed was going to try and drive it. Havoc patiently sat back and watched Ed recite the steps. He heard Ed mumble every instruction the man gave him.

"Hold in clutch, start, shift, gas, release clutch, SHIFT!" Ed was cut off when the car moved a few feet forward and screeched to a halt, stalling the engine. Havoc patiently shifted it back into neutral and sat back.

"Can I make one suggestion?"

"No! I'm doing this!" snapped Ed. He started the car and began again.

A few minutes later, Ed was driving by himself down the empty road.

"Okay, good. Fifty-five's a little fast, though. Oh! Watch out for the tractor." A tractor came into view once Ed turned, and Ed showed no signs of slowing down.

"Alright, Ed. Tractor's coming up now…Ed, watch out for the tractor…watch out for the tractor! WATCH OUT FOR THE TRACTOR!" Ed had just missed the tractor by a few feet. He turned around to see the boy chuckling.

"Haha, we made it!" Ed snickered.

"Yeah, yeah, we made it!" Havoc sighed and directed Ed home.

They passed mustang's house and much to Ed's liking, the man was outside getting the mail. He pulled up next to him and rolled down the window. Mustang looked through the window at Havoc, but not at Ed.

"Wow Havoc, how did you manage that? Driving from the passenger-Oh, Fullmetal! Sorry, didn't see you down there." Ed leaped out of the car and was about to bash his superior's face in, when he realized he'd left it in gear. If Havoc wasn't in the car, the car would've surely coasted straight into the park. Havoc reached over and opened Ed's door.

"Get back in here!" he growled. Ed blushed furiously and obeyed. Ed started the car and left. However, he made sure to choke the laughing colonel with some exhaust fumes as he departed. Ed kept stealing glances at the older man who looked ever so pissed. Havoc could see the boy's guilty expression, so he lost the frown.

"I'm not mad, Ed. It's just that what you did was dangerous. You get that, don't ya?"

"Yeah," Ed sighed.

"I'm not going to tell the Lieutenant Colonel, but you need to be more careful." Ed sighed in relief and smiled at the man.

They pulled into the garage and Ed killed the engine. They sat quietly for a moment. The metal in the engine ticked as it cooled. Ed opened his door and was about to step out when Havoc's hand landed on his shoulder.

"For the record, you figured it out a hundred times faster than I did." Ed looked around, made sure that there was no one around, and gave Jean a massive hug. The man returned the gesture and got out.

Maes opened the door for the two men and granted them entry. He led them into the kitchen where Al and Winry were.

"So boys, how'd it go?" the blonde girl asked. Havoc and Ed exchanged looks and Havoc spoke.

"A couple more lessons and He'll be an old pro! Damn, I wish I could be as fast a learner as he is." Ed smiled up at him.

He was looking forward for the next lesson.


End file.
